Once a happy man, once being loved unconditionally

Someday Somewhere Somehow

2009-07-26T01:12:00.004+08:00

Haven't really been blogging. Soon I will get serious. Soon

Never straight, Never just one, Never easy to choose. This is life.

There comes a time when the meaning of life begins to make real sense,
At first it may not,
The sky at first may look dark,
The path one needs to walk down may be hard to see,
But you never let a disorder control one’s destiny,
If you let it control your mind, body, heart and soul,
At this point, one cannot give up,
A disorder cannot control,
You control your disorder,
Accept yourself, Accept your disorder,
Love yourself now and forever,
You were thrown against a corner when you developed epilepsy,
Getting up was not an option,
Now it is,
Today is a new day,
If you stay down life will pass you by,
So help yourself get up,
fight the battle and win,
To win the battle you do not have to stop having seizures,
Winning the battle is teaching you how to live a healthy productive life.
Life may not always become what you want them to be,
The road you lead may have some u-turns involved,
Do not fear,
For change can be good,
Follow your path that was laid out for you,
The sun is now shinning,
You can now see your path
There is a plan, a destiny that awaits you,
Do not question your destiny,
Do not ask questions such as “why me?”
Accept the path that has been laid in front of you.
Do not be afraid,
Take one day at a time,
Be proud of who you are,
Walk with courage and your head up high,
Believe in yourself,
Focus on the positive,
For the footsteps embedded in ground of your new path will become the solid foundation to your future.
, Gary

A key you found that leads to nowhere

2009-07-08T19:04:00.004+08:00

Messed up family
With messed up life
Messed up people
With messed up mind
These voices are still kind
Don't know where I'm going anymore
Things ain't seem what they used to be,
like before.
This world is breaking
My hands are shaking
Tears are falling
Going no way
I live from day to day
It's a fucked up life
And I'm searching for a knife
To cut my throat
I'm searching for a way
To live this life
Strong I become,
Problems they love to come,
Holding on
On this no way road
We all live to die
Someday I will fly
And I'm free
Free to be who I am
And not to be what they want
I will hang on
Keep on challenging
Till you push me to edge of the cliff
I swear,
I swear to you life,
I will clench you in my fist
And tear you apart
Till you stop playing my life
as if it's a joke
"life"

Yours Unfuckable,
Gary

The Cinnamon Peeler

2009-07-04T17:13:00.004+08:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

If I were a cinnamon peeler
I would ride your bed
and leave the yellow bark dust
on your pillow.

I could hardly glance at you
I buried my hands
in saffron, disguised them
over smoking tar,
helped the honey gatherers...

When we swam once
I touched you in water
and our bodies remained free,
you could hold me and be blind of smell.
You climbed the bank and said

this is how you touch other women
the grasscutter's wife, the lime burner's daughter.
And you searched your arms
for the missing perfume.

and knew
what good is it
to be the lime burner's daughter
left with no trace
as if not spoken to in an act of love
as if wounded without the pleasure of scar.

You touched
your belly to my hands
in the dry air and said
I am the cinnamon
peeler's wife. Smell me.

-----------------------------------------------

When I look away I forget what yellow means, But I can look again.
Sometimes there are something delusion oblivion.
I think you are suppose to put your fingers
inside the cold-hearted soul and feel heat.
Well, cant be sure. I cant be sure if what
I can feel is the heat or my imagination.
Nature never fools around. Just being decorative
Silence

, Gary

Either Shoot It Or Keep It

2009-07-02T23:09:00.005+08:00

I don't know the future
But I know the past
They are lucky
If both want it to last.

I know the future
Because I know the past
Nothing will Not Last,
Unless they create that path.

It's a sad world inside a world
Inside a book inside my head.

It feels like a truck
Going towards you
And you can only stare at it
And there is nothing else you can do.

It's a sad world
Everybody wants to die
It's a sad world
All we do is sit and cry.

Hell fights with heaven
But no one ever wins
Who can feel the pain inside me
Burning from within.

Everybody wants to fly
It's a sad world
Everybody is so high
They fly the sky so high
They lose everything in their life

But now I think I must be happy
Because she is smiling
Because all we need is to see the ones
The ones we love be as happy as can be

----------------------------------------

First day back at school,
Nothing much interesting.
Eat, hangout, eat, hangout, eat..
And biggest headache on today's programming problem..
Managed to do quite well I guess.

,peace out

A bright lamp that doesn't shine

2009-06-30T23:37:00.005+08:00

A story I am going to start telling, an alpha without beta.
A life of mine that had been twisted into fairytales. (Reality will start to make things realistic)
I found out that my life only truly inaugurate after I met this girl.
Damsel that impacted nothing but me.

Love is a Universal emotion, the goal we all seek,
the prize that can make our lives complete and whole.
Love is both timeless and, in too many instances, transient.
Nevertheless, love is truly a pain in the ass.
G, a lovely girl, a melody of songs.
She was hope, she is gone.
June the alpha but February made Beta.
kismet brought us together,
we fell in love,
a love that's circle, never ending love.
But our mind and soul created an agent,
Tranformed that circle into parallel lines
never will we meet again till the day you change your mind.
Things were acutely perfect and wonderful,
obstacles came and took it all away.
You faded far away,
so far that morning mist grew stronger into an indestructible wall.
I yearn for more, further you became.
when comes to love you never see what is staring at you right in the face
New faces came along and the olds were ditch aside.
You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to these things.
But it is either you care or you do not. You do not contradict.
Optimistic is way better than being pessimistic.
Life being life, we are meant to lose people we love,
or else how are we going to know they are important to us.
We need to have the courage to do whats in our heart,
sometimes pride takes away all the important things in your life,
still you all prefer to have pride. Worth it?
Everything can die but my feelings and love wont die.
I hate myself for loving too much.
Devotion is torture and suffering.
Regret even starting with her,
because if I know that this is the ending, I wont want it.
Rather not be with her and maybe we will be like best friends now?
It is not the "being with her as her boyfriend" that makes me happy.
But rather "being with her", as a friend or anything. (Her existence)
Some people spend their life by the river,
some have a ear for music,
some are artist,
some swim,
some are shakespeare,
some are mothers,
and some people dance.
Me, I am made to be faithful.

For what it's worth, it's never too late,
or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.
There is no time limit, start whenever you want.
We can make the best or worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you're proud of.
If you find you're not, I hope you have the strength,
to start all over again.
I will never change much, always will be the Gary.

, Gary